I recently ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She mentioned she’d been working with a coach for a year.
Here’s what stopped me cold. She said her coach had looked at her, exasperated, and said – “You’re not listening to me!!”.
My friend felt shame. Like she’d done something wrong, and disappointed her coach.
That’s not coaching. That’s someone’s ego getting in the way. My advice to her was simple: Fire your coach.
A good coach doesn’t get frustrated when a client isn’t catching on. They get curious. They try a different approach. They meet you where you are – not where they think you should be.
Here’s the other thing. A good coach asks way more questions than they tell. Because at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to go out and do the thing. When someone else hands you the answer, you’re far less likely to act on it (which is exactly what happened with my friend). But when you arrive at the solution yourself? You own it. Research backs this up – we’re significantly more accountable to ideas we generate ourselves.
My friend’s coach kept pushing her on business development tactics. More calls. Better systems. More hustle. But that wasn’t the real problem. What was actually holding my friend back were her self-limiting beliefs about whether she could do this at all. No amount of pushing fixes that.
Coaching is an unregulated industry. Anyone can call themselves a coach. That means it’s easy to end up with someone who’s great at marketing but not so great at actually coaching.
My friend hired her coach because she had a corporate background. I get the logic. But that doesn’t make her a good coach.
There’s a difference between a coach, a consultant, and a mentor. Consultants and advisors are paid to give you answers. That’s their job. But it can be confusing when these same people call themselves coaches.
A coach’s job is to help you find your own answers. So with that in mind, here are three things worth knowing, whether you have a coach now or are thinking of getting one.
- Does the fit feel right? Coaching is a partnership. If you don’t feel comfortable being honest with your coach, they’re not the right coach for you. Full stop.
- Do you feel heard? If your coach is interrupting you, telling you what to do, or leaving you feeling like you’re not good enough – pay attention to that. Your gut is telling you something.
- Are you making progress? Results can take time, and not all progress is tangible. Feeling supported, having someone in your corner, and having a sounding board can be incredibly valuable. But if nothing is shifting after a year, something has to change. A good coach will pivot based on your needs. Not based on what they’ve decided you should be doing.
If you’re looking for a coach and don’t know where to start, ask someone who has ideally been coached by that person – not just a friend who knows them. At the very least, check out their testimonials and look for someone certified through the International Coaching Federation (ICF) or the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). Both organizations hold coaches to high standards.
I’ve worked with a number of coaches over the years. I genuinely wouldn’t be where I am today without them.
The right coach can change everything. I hope you find yours.
Have you ever worked with a coach? How was your experience? What advice would you give others who are considering hiring or firing their coach?