We’re already in February … how are those New Year’s resolutions going?
Do you even remember what they are?
I once made a resolution to do 100 ab crunches a day – ambitious, right? Well, I never made it past Day 3. To be fair, I was a teenager with wild ideas and more energy than I knew what to do with.
Maybe you’re still on top of your resolutions. Or maybe, like many people, your motivation started strong and then faded. The intent was there. The implementation? Not so much.
So why is change so hard?
Whether you’re working on personal goals or leading change at work, it often feels like an uphill battle – two steps forward, one step back. Some days it might even feel like one step forward, two steps back
One big reason? Conflicting priorities.
We think we want change, but there’s something else – something unconscious – holding us back. Noticing these hidden forces is the key to making change stick.
I may say I want to work out, but I also really value my downtime. Or I want to take more risks at work, but I also hate the idea of looking stupid. No wonder change feels hard.
The real trick isn’t just ‘trying harder’ – it’s noticing what’s quietly competing for your energy and deciding which one actually deserves your focus.
Take the classic “I’m going to the gym and finally losing these 20 lbs” resolution. You might genuinely want to get fit, but there’s another hidden priority pulling at you:
- “I’ve worked hard today – I deserve to rest.”
- “What if I fail…again?”
- “I don’t want to feel judged at the gym.”
These quiet, competing priorities aren’t laziness – they’re protective. They keep us comfortable, even when we think we want change.
Let’s consider what this looks like at work. If you’re a leader with an employee who’s not performing, you know you need to have a tough conversation. But you also have other competing priorities:
- “I want to protect the relationship”
- “I don’t want to be seen as the bad guy/gal”
- “Having the tough conversation could make things worse.”
So, another week goes by, and nothing changes.
When I ask leaders what they would prefer – to be liked by their team or to be respected. The answer is always the latter. So now what?
- Consider what are the competing priorities that are conflicting with your desire for change.
- Name the assumption you’re making e.g. If I hold my team accountable, they’ll see me as the bad guy. But is that really true? Or is that just a story you’ve told yourself?
- Run a small experiment
In the case of avoiding giving tough feedback because you assume it will damage a relationship, try giving one small piece of constructive feedback and see what happens. More often than not, the fear is bigger than the reality.
This shift – from forcing change to understanding resistance is what makes transformation possible.
What’s one change you’ve been struggling with? Can you spot the hidden priority holding you back?