Amusement parks are what often come to mind when we think of summer. Roller coasters are one of the favorite rides for some, but what we don’t think about is the roller coaster we live with all year round.
I’ve been watching my mind lately going up and down like a roller coaster. I think it’s something we can all resonate with, since it’s so much a part of being human.
More recently, I’ve been watching my thoughts go up and down as I write my book. Thoughts like: Is this good enough? Is this even true? Am I the right person to be saying this? My mind was going up and down with no break in sight.
At some point, instead of trying to get off the ride, I just watched it instead. What I found out was quite entertaining.
That’s the whole shift
When I watch my mind without judgment, and without the need to control it, I step away from any emotional pull my thoughts might otherwise create.
When we step outside of ourselves to watch our thoughts, that’s a mindfulness practice. The thought loses its grip because you recognize it’s just a thought, not necessarily reality. It reminds me of that bumper sticker you sometimes see on cars: you are not your thoughts.
The thought is still there, it doesn’t disappear, but you’re no longer inside it. You’re standing next to it. And there’s a real difference between being on a rollercoaster and watching one from the platform. Same ride with a completely different experience.
Why we never learned this
Most of us were never taught this. We were taught to push through. To perform. To prove we deserve the seat we’re in, the title we were given, the trust someone placed in us.
So the voice in our head keeps running an old script, and we keep reacting to it like it’s breaking news. That gap, between an old thought and a new situation, is where a lot of leaders get stuck.
You walk into a meeting today carrying a fear that was installed decades ago. It may even trace back to conditional worth messages you picked up as a child, messages that are still very much alive in you.
So when you’re in a tough meeting, that old fear can come through, even when you try to hide it. You don’t recognize that it’s an old tape playing itself out, because the situation feels exactly as ‘unsafe’ as it did the first time.
Where this shows up outside of work
This isn’t just an office problem. It shows up at home too.
The same mental loop that convinces you your presentation isn’t good enough will show up when your kid asks for five more minutes before bed and you snap instead of pausing. The same voice that tells you to control every variable at work doesn’t clock out when you walk through the front door. It just changes rooms.
Whole-person leadership starts here. Not with a new framework for the office, but with learning to notice when an old pattern has quietly taken the wheel, whether you’re leading a team or sitting at your own dinner table.
How to actually practice this
You don’t need a course to start. You just need to slow down enough to recognize the moment you notice yourself reacting.
Next time your mind starts spinning, try naming it without judging it. “There’s that thought again.” Not “I shouldn’t be thinking this,” just “there it is.” That small shift, from being the thought to observing the thought, is the entire practice. It’s simple but not easy, which is exactly why it’s a practice.
I talked about this at a recent conference, and it’s still the thing people come back and tell me stuck with them the most.
You lose when you fight reality
Fighting reality is a fight we lose 100% of the time. The thought is going to show up whether we want it to or not. The only real choice we have is whether we’re going to be dragged by it or watching it.
That’s not a small distinction. It’s the difference between a leader who reacts from an old wound and a leader who responds from where they actually stand today.
What’s one thought that shows up on repeat for you, at work or at home? I’d like to know what your rollercoaster sounds like.